meanmarie.com

Today: Red Letter Day! Mama’s Birthday!

meanmarie — Fri, 03 Sep 2010 13:45:00 +0000

Today is my mama’s birthday. She is 69. She tells people she is 70. She believes she’s 70. I did too til I did the math. She’s really just 69. That made her happy.

For Mama’s birthday I made her this ensemble:

Adorable, huh?

My modesty is immense. Much like my grace.

Back to Mama. It IS her birthday. It can’t ALWAYS be about me. Sadly.

So.

I gave Mama her ensemble early. Why? Because she started demanding her birthday present back in June. I caved in the last week of August.

I wasn’t alone.

P.O.D. and The Best Sister In-Law Ever caved too.

They gave her the shoes she is wearing with this ensemble.

Mama loves those shoes! Good job P.O.D. & The Best Sister In-Law Ever!

On Wednesday I took Mama out to lunch.

We went to a restaurant in Clarkesville, GA called The Copper Pot.

We each had a Caesar Salad and Specialty Personal Pizza.

Mama is watching her carbs. After the Stolen Éclair incident, she checked her sugar. Over 200. So yeah. Mama is watching her carbs.

Mama watches her carbs with flair.

You and I may just have the kitchen staff hold the croûtons. Or. We may simply remove them. Or push them aside. Or eat around them. Lots of options for croûton avoidance.

Mama?

She creates with her croûtons.

The people at the adjoining table kept staring.

The waiter commented on the design.

I suppose people don’t usually play with their croûtons.

After lunch we shopped at Once Upon A Time.

Mama bought some used art books in their Books Below shop.

I sat in a library chair and panted from heat exhaustion.

Mama said it was just me. Mama is reptilian.

Then Mama remembered Daddy had given her $$$ for her birthday so we went clothing shopping. The $$$ was burning a hole in her pocket.

We discovered an adorable little shop in Sautee. We shopped and chatted. Mama bought a blouse. I bought nothing because I am frugal. And fat. I don’t like to buy clothes when I’m fat.

After a full afternoon, we made it home. UPS had visited and delivered my final present to Mama. Metal-smithing Books!

I adore my mama. She’s smart, funny, kind, weird, adorable and beautiful. She is the bestest mama in the whole and entire world!

Happy Birthday Mama! I love you so!

Facebook Song NSFW

meanmarie — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 11:00:00 +0000

Wedding Invitation: Unique

meanmarie — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 11:00:23 +0000

see more Wedinator

If I weren’t a traditionalist, I would have an invitation like this.

Zombie Wedding

meanmarie — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 11:00:50 +0000

There is one thing I am VERY afraid of.

I am very afraid of zombies.

They freak me out.

Color.

Me.

Freaked.

F.R.E.A.K.E.D.

see more Wedinator

I love this site. I can’t stop looking. It’s…scary. Times 100.

Button Friday: Ooo Eeee Oooo Ahh Ahh

meanmarie — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 11:00:45 +0000

It’s Friday!

Time to go to Mama’s Button Bowl.

Love the buttons!

Ooooo A MONKEY!

Well. Not really.

But it kinda looks like a gibbon but with reverse markings. Gibbons are apes.

I think I’ll make monkey noises now. I can’t make ape noises. Well I can. I just prefer monkey noises.

Do you have a preference?

Find Twinkie

meanmarie — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 11:00:44 +0000

Let’s play a new game. I call it Find Twinkie.

Twinkie is setting on eggs.

Did you see her?

She’s a good little hider.

One more try!

Yep. There she is!

My Favorite Color

meanmarie — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 11:00:01 +0000

I didn’t learn the rules of male/female acceptable gift giving til I was 12. At age 12 I learned that a gentleman could give me candy, flowers or books but never an article of clothing or jewelry. Certainly nothing expensive.

I received gifts from boys as a girl.

Handpicked roses from their grandmother’s garden
Chocolate chip cookies made with their mama’s help
Handmade cards
17.5 carat Aquamarine
Holly Hobbie coloring book

What?

Oh.

The 17.5 carat Aquamarine?

See, I got it as a gift when I was 2. I didn’t know the rules yet.

One of Mama’s friends brought her a Cadillac, a mink coat and a tray of jewels if she would run off with him.

Mama declined.

As there were no hard feelings, her would be suitor told me I could pick anything I wanted from the tray of jewels. All were unset. Mama said there were diamonds, emeralds, rubies and all sorts of precious and semi precious stones.

I’ve always liked blue. I picked the pretty blue stone.

It sat unset in my jewelry box until I was 21. I paid to have it set in this weird little shop by this weird little man. He may have been weird but I love the way he set it.

I wear it a lot.

A lot.

17.5 carats is my favorite color.

It flatters me.

I look good in 17.5 carats.

Help Bring Johanna Faith Home!

meanmarie — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 04:15:01 +0000

As many of you know, I am unable to have children. I have a tender heart for anyone that longs for a child or another child. When I heard Johanna Faith’s story, I had to help. I hope you help too.

Click on the link above to help bring Johanna Faith home.

Stick Him, Mary Ann

meanmarie — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 11:00:35 +0000

I grew up in a really small town. If you became sick, you went to the Doctor’s Building and saw either Dr. Hicks or Dr. Lumsden. My brother and I always saw Dr. Hicks.

Dr. L.G. Hicks was a General Practitioner and cared for patients of all ages. Also, Dr. Hicks saw patients 7 days a week back when NO ONE saw patients on Saturday or Sunday.

If you went to see Dr. Hicks on a Sunday, there wasn’t a receptionist or a nurse. You had to remember who was in the waiting area ahead of you because Dr. Hicks would announce over the speaker, “NEXT” and it was up to you to know who was next.

As a child, I was never scared to see Dr. Hicks. Mama only took us to the doctor if we were really, really sick. When you’re really, really sick, you WANT to see the doctor.

If you visited Dr. Hicks during the week, his nurse, Mary Ann would be sitting in his office. She sat on a stool next to a tray of shots. I was afraid of Mary Ann. AND. I didn’t care for her shoes.

Dr. Hicks would examine you and say, “Stick her, Mary Ann.” Mary Ann would then bend you over and give you a shot in the hip.

I didn’t much like Mary Ann.

I was a docile child, however, and never put up a fuss. Much. If you weren’t crying too hard (and I never did because Mama always said, ‘Country girls don’t cry.’), Dr. Hicks would give you a stick of Fruit Stripe Gum at the end of the visit.

I now associate Fruit Stripe Gum with the medicinal smell of his office.

P.O.D. on the other hand, was never docile. Ever.

One day, P.O.D. had a sore throat. Mama bundled him up and took him to see Dr. Hicks. It was winter and P.O.D. had on his standard attire. Jeans, t-shirt, long sleeved shirt, Dingo cowboy boots, and a faux shearling lined coat. He was the Marlboro Man in miniature.

After examining P.O.D., Dr. Hicks said, “Stick him, Mary Ann.”

P.O.D. pulled a gun from inside his coat and trained it on Dr. Hicks keeping an eye on the needle happy Mary Ann.

Luckily, the gun was a cap gun.

Luckily, Dr. Hicks liked P.O.D..

Dr. Hicks saw the pistol pointed at him and started laughing. He laughed til he bent double.

Mama apologized to Dr. Hicks. She told the doctor she had no idea P.O.D. was ‘packing heat’.

It wasn’t the first or the last time P.O.D. embarrassed Mama at the Doctor’s Building. Remind me to tell you about the time P.O.D. developed a ‘mystery illness’ one Saturday afternoon.

Theft by Taking

meanmarie — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 11:00:47 +0000

I would like to report a robbery!

Someone stole my éclair.

It was last seen in a bakery box sitting in Mama’s refrigerator.

It is light brown with a chocolate icing.

Here’s a picture of it:

Seriously, I had an éclair stolen from me. It was a case of theft by taking.

My client, Jane, brought me an individually boxed éclair from the bakery. It was a special treat. I was THRILLED Jane thought of me when buying baked goods. I love baked goods.

After I finished helping Jane, I went to lunch with my sister-in-law and niece. I brought the bakery box into the restaurant because I didn’t want my éclair to melt. Éclair’s are heat sensitive. They melt. They are fragile and must be protected.

My niece asked to see inside the box.

I showed her.

She asked if she could hold the éclair.

I said no.

She asked if she could eat the éclair.

I said no. (What? She had 3 Chinese Donuts, a Sprite and a piece of Orange Cake. Anymore sugar and she would be bouncing off the walls.)

After lunch, the éclair and I went to pick up my other two nieces to take them shopping for school clothes. LUCKILY, neither niece saw the bakery box. If they had, my éclair would never have made it to Mama’s house.

I slipped the bakery box into Mama’s refrigerator, took Mama and the girl’s shopping and developed a raging headache.

What?

Have you ever taken 3 adolescent girls shopping?

What?

Ok. So Mama isn’t an adolescent girl. Technically.

WHAT?

I won’t argue with you about this. Arguing makes my headache come back.

When we got home, I went to bed. Sure it was just 6 o’clock but I had a raging headache and I was EXHAUSTED.

At 9:30 my husband sent me a text message waking me up to ask me if I was awake.

Did that make sense?

It does to me.

After talking to him, I realized I was hungry. Remembering I had an éclair in the refrigerator, I decided it was past time to eat my treat.

There was no bakery box in the refrigerator.

Thinking someone needed the space, I looked for an éclair sitting unprotected in the fridge.

Nope.

I looked in the basement refrigerators.

Not there either.

I checked the garbage cans thinking it had met foul play.

SUSPICIOUSLY both garbage cans were empty.

Mama was upstairs watching a movie.

I didn’t want to interrupt the movie so I passed her this note:

(Click to enlarge.)

Mama read the note.

Mama laughed and laughed.

Then Mama admitted to eating my éclair.

She CLAIMS she thought her friend, Carole Ann, left it for her in the refrigerator.

Now tell me. Do your friends leave baked goods in your refrigerator while you are gone without leaving a note, text message, voice mail or ANY OTHER form of communication?

I didn’t think so.

In despair, I went to my drawer of candy to find an éclair replacement. It had been raided too. Empty!

Mama’s sugar consumption that day:
1 Peach
1 Little Debbie Snack Cake
1 Twix Peanut Butter Bar (given to me because she doesn’t like them but bought it by accident. It was to replace the TWO Snickers with Almonds bars she filched from my candy stash.)
1 Chocolate Milk Shake
2 Servings Peach & Blueberry Cobbler
1 Stolen Éclair

This is the list of sugar I KNOW she consumed. This list may grow as I continue to investigate.

Signing off from the scene of the crime—-Mean Marie